Dear Sasuke
by medeamazon
Summary: "I refuse to change myself, to make my needs and feelings smaller because of you. To chase after you, not knowing if I would be welcome, or if you'd ever do it for me." Sakura pours her heart out in a letter. Post 699


**First story, after years of reading about awesome Sakura.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. This is, in fact, my version of how SasuSaku should be had Naruto not been made for 15 years old boys.**

 **I have a plot behind this letter, another "how did they end up together". Let me know if you think it would be interesting to develop. Sorry for any mistakes, English is my second language.**

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Dear Sasuke.

I know this is random, and that you'll be surprised when you wake up. I just wanted to write the reasons for my "weird behaviour", as you call it. You asked me if I had a problem with you and no, the problem it's not you, it's something that I don't think you can change. The problem is that I don't want you to fall in love with me just because you know I love you, just because you think you owe me for my loyalty all these years. I know that, when you think about couple, or "relationship", these thoughts are always associated with me. Whenever you thought about this part of life, the romantic part, this has always been associated with me, because I have always thought about you this way, because I have always confronted you like that, as a potential partner, someone who loved you in that sense. Even when I didn't want to make you mine, when I only wanted you to be happy, I was always "Sakura, the one who loves me in a different way than family, or friends."

And I am sorry if you only see me as this, and if this is my fault, because I am much more than this. My love for you has been important, fundamental to shape who I am and who I want to be, but I'm not only a romantic girl. You respect me, but you don't know me Sasuke, and I refuse to stay with someone who doesn't know me at all, who loves only for a concession, because he surrendered at my relentless pursuit. I want my partner to take the initiative to stay with me, because he is in love with me, because he hates to stay away from me, not because he wants to humour me. And I don't know how you could be someone like this, when every little thing you do for me feels like I'm asking for a huge favour from you. And again, this is normal, it's understandable: how can you love me if you don't know me? How can you want to make me happy if you don't know if I am happy or sad, or angry? You don't know who is the most important patient I've ever had, and why. You don't know what I do when a patient's death becomes unbearable to me. You don't know what happened between me and Naruto, how he can understand me so completely. You don't know why I moved over to another flat the moment I could, or what medic jutsu I am most satisfied to have invented. You don't know about my dreams and projects in the future, or maybe you think they're the same as when I was a little girl, with only her crush in mind. Do you know if I want to marry, what I think about marriage? Do you know if I want children? Would you even consider staying with me without this? You know… next to nothing about me, and I'm not mad about this. It's normal, because our relationship has always been me, trying to understand what you think, what you feel, and it's okay, god knows you had to deal with huge catastrophes, horrific memories and traumas. But maybe, even for this, you need someone who can understand you completely, and not empathically as I do or someone that considers you as everything she may ever need. I seriously don't know. I just don't want to get into a relationship without knowing that the other loves me for who I am, understanding and desiring and loving Sakura. The intimate Sakura, with flaws, but also merits, with hobbies, passions, friends. With insecurities and sufferings, with her own traumatic experiences and hurtful memories, even if less serious than yours.

I deserve someone who wants to stay with me as much as I want to stay with him. And this is why I'm returning to Konoha. This is why I stop, now, to chase after you.

I genuinely wish you the best Sasuke. I hope you can find someone who can make you feel like you made me feel, perhaps unwillingly. Who can make your heart beat fast, whose voice can make you melt inside, whose respect and love seem like the only things worth having.

You made me feel like this, and I am very grateful for this. But unrequited love can last only so much to make a relationship work. Don't settle for me Sasuke, if I don't make you feel these things. It's cruel and useless for both of us: you deprive yourself the possibility to fall in love, while keeping me rooted in an illusion that will never be complete.

There, I finished my rant. I know you had a lot of questions about why I came to travel with you and then I decided to come back. I tried for the last time to be the one you could want, you could fall for, but I am not twelve anymore. I refuse to change myself, to make my needs and feeling smaller because of you. To chase after you, not knowing if I would be welcome, or if you'd ever do it for me.

Thank you for everything. For what it's worth, know that you can always rely on me for everything you need, as a friend who will always want, first of all, your happiness.

Sincerely,

Sakura.


End file.
